Why I'd Like to Move

So I mentioned in my last post that I got a new job. (Yay!)

It's actually for the same library I have been working for, just a different branch, and I'll be full-time. So more hours, a bit farther away from home and a lot farther from where I want to be in Cincinnati, and no more $$ per hour. I'm excited because it will be more challenging than my current job, which I find kinda boring since I do not have any special duties like everyone else even though I have asked for more to do. It will be nice to be back at the Middletown location though because I know a lot of people there since I used to work there. I just wish Middletown was in Cincinnati, because that's where I really want to be.

The reason I want to be in Cincinnati is because I'm tired of living in Hamilton cut off from the world. How people live here happily, I do not know. It's too far from everything...even Trenton, OH where I grew up is better. I also long to be closer to St. Gertrude, our parish, in Madeira. Then add in Ben's almost hour commute and I have 3 really good reasons for wanting to be there. But there's more: I have friends that live there and I am itching for more of the city life. I want culture, I want variety, I want something more to life than what I have. I want to drive a Zipcar and use public transit. I want to live in an even smaller place than what we have now LOL! Most importantly, I just want to fulfill the vision and dream Ben and I have had of living in the city. I think it would be awesome to live downtown, but until we hit the lottery, I don't see that happening haha. I'm not a party person, I just want to look out the window and see the people, as they stroll along to their job or take a drink of their coffee.

I think this idea of living in the city is rooted in a deeper longing to belong to the universal Church, and to God Himself. I want to be a part of that crowd following after Jesus! I want to play a part in what He's doing. I already am, but I kind of feel like it's a temporary part that I play on the weekends and then I go home, and take off my stage makeup. I want to be where I'm doing ministry all the time, be amongst the people, and know them. I want to be one of them. It kills me that every Sunday night after Core team meeting is over, we get back in the car and drive the 45 minutes home. My heart says to itself, "I died that day!"* when I wake up on Monday and it's back to the rest of the week. 

And perhaps that's how I felt when I left my last ministry job...despite all of the things that were wrong about the situation and why I needed to leave. I just get so much joy out of being with the youth, teaching them, hanging out with them. I remember how I felt when I heard God call me to youth ministry and I was really unsure if I could do it. Part of me didn't want to, and then I had that feeling again when I failed Catechetics. I was just not cut out for this! However, when I'm away, I realize that I do not feel the joy that God gives me when I am immersed in ministry.

Which is why I told my dear friend Emma, who is one of my former youth group kids, that I wish I was back in ministry again. I miss it so much! I'd rather be doing that than working at the library, and if I didn't have to worry about money, I would do it for free. I'm still waiting on an offer from a parish who is willing to pay off my student loans in 2 years in exchange for youth ministry for 5 years. Or that's one scenario I have in my head LOL! I talk about student loans a lot because I have a ridiculous amount to pay each month. (And if you're thinking of getting student loans, do not go with Sallie Mae!) Such is life I guess.

Well, I'm going to go clip coupons and talk to my hubby Ben before bed. There's always so much to talk about on Sunday nights after we get home from youth group. I guess it begins the dream we have of doing ministry together and we can't seem to get God to stop calling us to it. Maybe that will be the next adventure...


* "I died that day!": a famous line of Buttercup's from Princess Bride that always rings in my head.

Redefining My Life

I have been finding a new identity in Christ and seeing that I am not Randi the youth minister, but Randi the disciple of Christ who is your wife/daughter/sister/friend. So while this may be #tbt, I am taking my life to Christ and redefining who I am...been doing it for awhile and hadn't noticed until recently. #leadmetothecross #amen #newme #ifeelablogpostcomingon

I never realized all the change that would come inside of me after leaving the last parish I worked for. I have been thinking about it for a couple of weeks and I have seen so many things happen. 
1. I have found community at St. Gertrude and in the Youth Ministry Core team where I now volunteer at St. Gertrude. I haven't felt so welcome in a place or in a ministry in all my life. No one is talking about me behind my back, there are no back-stabbing or scheming people, and church politics are not there.
2. My prayer life is expanding...slowly, but what's even better is that now Ben and I can pray together. I can also feel God in my life again and my prayer journaling isn't like pulling teeth.
3. I can be a wife for the first time in my life instead of a dictator of volunteers...which is how I felt when I was stressed out. I feel so much more at ease and loving now.

I still miss being at my old parish because I could tell that I was doing good work there. I miss the teens and the relationships with parishioners. However, Satan was constantly on the attack in many ways and I have to be honest....after awhile, it just got overwhelming. With no support from my staff, I knew I couldn't stay and try to brave it alone. It's so much easier to brace the blows with a team of people who are working alongside of you and my team of volunteers had left the ministry for various reasons. On top of all these things, I had been led on about different aspects of my job and my pastor purposefully avoided me when I sought to talk to him. It was a completely unhealthy working situation. I am sad to admit this, but I have to be honest. This is my blog afterall!

So why have I been redefining myself? Well, many different reasons, but it basically comes down to not being happy with the direction I was headed. I felt like my relationship with God was lacking, that I was too wrapped up in what I did for a living, and that I had become too dependent on "stuff". Since leaving my job last June I have done several things consciously and unconsciously.
1. We've been without a major part of our household income, so we've scaled back A LOT! I haven't shopped for myself in over 6 months, and other than a couple of gifts for Christmas, we have not really bought anything for our house/each other/etc. Our meals have become cheaper, we eat out much less, and to conserve food we don't snack between meals a lot. We've made it by the grace of God, and some generous people. It's only this week, after I got the news last week that I will be starting a full-time job (yay!), that we've had to reach out to St. Vincent de Paul to get food.
2. We've sold a lot of items to make money and gotten rid of clutter by the bag full to Goodwill. All we have left is to go through our basement storage room. We haven't bought any new clothes in the last 6 months. We've also been forced to return some items because we couldn't make the payments. That is very humbling! I've also given away some of my ministry stuff to friends who are also in youth ministry and to the library I work at. It made my day seeing the joy on their faces!
3. I've started wearing more skirts and dresses. I dress a lot more feminine and modest, and in turn, people have treated me a lot differently. That's been a big deal to me, as I've been desiring to change my outward appearance to match what was inside my heart. I follow lots of modest Instagram accounts like: @lauren_modernmodesty, @modestcatholicgirls, @modestlychics_, and @daintyjewells. I like the inspiration and it spills over to my Pinterest account: https://www.pinterest.com/randi_hom/
4. I wanted to keep doing ministry and my heart is for youth ministry. So I started volunteering at St. Gertrude with the youth and it has changed me in many ways. I see ministry in a different light now, it's back to something I love to do and I jump at the chance to do God's work. Ben and I have been discerning what God wants of us and have seen how He has given us a missionary heart.

 There are a lot of things that God is doing in our lives right now. I'd love to share, but I'd rather wait until more things are confirmed in prayer or by action. Until the next time, see you in the Eucharist!

Friday the 13th

Today is Friday the 13th...

And honestly even though I'm not superstitious, today has felt a bit off.  Maybe it's just this week, no it's definitely been the last couple weeks.

I've been struggling with finding a job.  I feel like I'm running out of places to apply.  People keep rejecting me.

"You're over-qualified."
"You're under-qualified."
"We found someone who also had experience in another area, so we hired them for both positions."
"We hired this GUY."
*crickets*
"Why don't you apply for this position?" ...then *crickets*

I bet they are laughing it up right now

It's gotten a bit ridiculous and honestly I need a full time job insanely bad.  I have bills to pay people!

On the upside, I have all this time to spend at home working on different projects, volunteering at church, and helping my family.  And Pinterest, Facebook, and Instagram.  I'd love if someone offered me a job as a creative director or doing something fabulous that doesn't require a master's degree and sacrificing my left leg.  I can do so many things if only I was given a chance.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow and I'm thankful that I have the chance to speak to the St. Ann and Child Mary Guild in the morning.  I'm excited to talk about Mother Teresa, her love of Jesus in the Eucharist, and the Heart of a Servant!