The Story of My Life - Part 6

Dating Donnie

Being engaged

How it all came to an end

................................

I started this post thinking that I would be able to tell this part of my story.

Frankly, while it's over, I don't want to relive it by telling the story to everyone on the internet.
Basically what I learned from this time in my life can be summed up to this:
I used to feel love, but in the end I found out it was only lust. My desires for "good" were twisted, and the devil had too big a hold on my life. And all the while, I had no idea. I thought I was doing good things, but what I really needed was conversion. I got that after it was over with Donnie and really digging deep into my relationship with God, and then continually asking for forgiveness every time I slipped up.

As much as this part of my life used to mean something, it doesn't anymore. It's done and finished. I am happy with how my life is now and what direction God is taking me. So I'm going to skip this drama and hope that you understand.

Stay tuned for part 7!

Going for debt free

A few days ago I mentioned that I would post a blog about Ben and I's plan to pay off our debt. It's about 3-4 days later...oh well, better late than never!

Honestly, it's not really a new plan. We've been paying off debt the whole time we've been married, whether it's been student loans or credit cards, a medical bill or something else. We've tried different ways, backslid, and did it over again. Honestly though, after all of our employment ups and downs, we're just ready to really get rid of it. It's keeping us from doing things we need/want to do. And I don't mean going on vacation. It's keeping us from donating money to church, from being able to go to church several times a week, to live closer to our jobs, take care of our health, further pursue having a family, and other things that are important to us.

So this past Sunday, after prompting from a good friend, we sat down with another friend who was a financial adviser. It was awesome to have the support and Ben finally felt some relief from our burden. We learned that we are not alone and we're forming a plan of what to do.

On Sunday we committed to not eating out again until we have our credit card debt paid off. For all the distance that we have between places (both of us have 40 minute commutes), and how we'll need food in the midst of other plans, it's a big sacrifice. It means we have to plan ahead and take meals with us. Always packing our lunch (I already do for work) and taking snacks for the car instead of hitting the quicky mart or drive thru.

One of the things we did as "homework" was to look at the last 6 months of expenses on our bank statements, then categorize them. How eye opening! I truly recommend it to anyone, you'll be shocked. Just. Wow.

Another thing is that we're keeping a spending journal where we write down every cent that we spend. It definitely keeps you accountable, even if you spent 50 cents on candy (not that we have!). That's one of the beautiful things about the journal, it keeps you from spending as much as you would have.

What I love the most about our plan to pay off debt is that Ben and I are doing it together. That's priceless! It feels so good to be working as a team now.

An ode to spiritual motherhood

Today is an important day. It's Mother's Day. We all have a birth mother, whether she was present or is present in our lives or not. Some of us have adoptive mothers, some of us have step-mothers, and we all have grandmothers.

But not all of us will be mothers.
Not all of us can be mothers.
Not all of us are mothers.
This post is for you and for those around you.

Not all of us can get pregnant. We chart our hearts away and pee on a stick hundreds of times a year.
Not all of us will give birth or can give birth, and not all of us will be able to adopt.
There are many reasons for why. It seems cruel to list them all.
It seems that many people struggle on how to approach a woman in these situations. There are hurtful comments and unwelcome advice is given. Some women who are able to have children pass judgement. There are people who spread rumors that you use birth control. Trust me, I've been there.
What is really needed is love.

Love the women that lost their child during pregnancy. They are still a mother.
Love the women who lose their child after they are born. I can't imagine how difficult it must be.
Love the women who struggle through fertility treatments. The efforts they make are very courageous.
Love the women who have come to terms that they will not be able to have children. What a cross!
Love the women who are seeking to adopt. They will need your support.
Love the women who are not able to adopt. Their situation is heartbreaking.

We need to show these women how valuable they are as daughters of God and what a difference they make in our lives. Remind them of their great worth to our heavenly Father and what plans He must have for them. Help them to be good wives and to go to God in prayer through everything they face. Invite them out for a drink and don't talk about kids. Show them compassion.

Personally, in my journey with infertility I have found so much value when people tell me what a blessing I am and how I can serve Christ and His Church. It gave me purpose when I felt like less than a woman, when I felt like I didn't measure up to what society told me I needed to be. Thank God I listened! I know that it is such a blessing to be able to spend my time working for the Church and taking care of the youth. It's like being a grandma, an aunt, and a mother all in one! I am a spiritual mom, one who can pray for the children and youth, who can pass on the truths of the faith, and be there for them. I can put my motherly and womanly instincts to work.

So I would say, tell the women in your life who are struggling in this area how much you love them. Don't treat them differently than your friends who can have children or who do have children. Invite them to baby showers even if they don't come, because they know when they are left out. Tell them what great spiritual mothers they are. Invite them to be a Godmother to one of your children. Tell them they are not alone and hug them. Help them encounter Christ. Give them a reason to believe in God's plan for their life. Because we don't have to become a mother to know that God has a plan and purpose for us. We are beautiful women that God has chosen.

I'd like to thank my mother and grandmother for the beautiful witness they have been to me the last 7 years as I have struggled through infertility. They have been so supportive and a shoulder to cry on. I never felt like I didn't measure up. A special thanks to my husband too, as he has been my #1 supporter through it all. Lord, thank you for this cross. Without it, I wouldn't know the depth of your love.

Something I read

You know how something on Facebook can jump out at you and be really profound when you read it, but you easily forget it?

I have been a victim of that before until recently.  Then I read my friend Natalie's post about her husband instilling in his daughters this message:

To be honest, just as the writing in green says, it's what I needed to hear after all this time.  My dad never told me these things.  He never instilled in us the message that we were precious, beautiful, that he loved us, or that we were made in the image and likeness of God.  That's enough to make a girl feel incomplete for the rest of her life!  But I have been learning all these things slowly from different sources now that I am an adult.  It's funny how hearing them can reduce me to tears all over again.  How writing this can reduce me to tears.

I wish every man knew the difference he could make if he just genuinely loved his daughters, wife, or significant other.  To love them as Christ loves us.  To live out the fact that he is made in the image and likeness of God.  What a different world this would be!