There is a healer...

It's been awhile since I've blogged: 4 months and 2 days to be exact.

It took awhile because I had gone through so much the last 5 years, especially in the last year and a half, and I needed to think about where I had been and where I wanted to go. I was also plagued by the fact that my blog name just didn't fit who I was. "Hustle and Grace" Frankly the only hustle there was was getting to the couch after work. I wasn't working out and up until December 2015, I didn't even have a side hustle. I felt like a fraud. Grace I did have, but only by God's great love. So I thought today, St. Valentine's Day, would be a great day to share the reasons for my long hiatus.

I was in need of a change. So I prayed. And I Pinterested. I talked with my family. I obsessed over finding just the right blog name...because I thought maybe I could become famous LOL! And during this time, my father-in-law Bill passed away. He was a strong man of God and his reading of scripture always brought me to tears. And he was gone, safe with our Father in Heaven. It was a chance to be there for my mother-in-law and my husband, to be quietly present in overwhelming grief. During his funeral service, I really looked at my life as I heard his family recount the ways he had remained faithful to God over the many years he had lived. Did I live like he did? Was I immersed in scripture, going to my room for quiet prayer, and reaching out to those around me for the Kingdom of God?

One day I was listening to the radio, 104.3 K-LOVE, and a song called "I Lift My Hands" by Chris Tomlin came on. I felt release and let go of everything swimming in my head.

Be still, there is a healer
His love is deeper than the sea
His mercy, it is unfailing
His arms are a fortress for the weak

Let faith arise
Let faith arise

I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God, forever

Be still, there is a river
That flows from Calvary's tree
A fountain for the thirsty
Pure grace that washes over me

So let faith arise
Let faith arise
Open my eyes
Open my eyes

I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God
You are faithful, God, forever

I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart
These things, I remember
You are faithful, God, forever

Let faith arise, let faith arise
Open my eyes, open my eyes
Let faith arise, let faith arise
Open my eyes, open my eyes

I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart
These things, I remember
You are faithful, God, forever

And I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart
These things, I remember
You are faithful, God
You are faithful, God, forever

Let faith arise
Let faith arise

I felt like it spoke to my soul, to where I have been in life and all my struggles. It was what I needed to hear and how my heart prays. After the song finished playing, I could think of nothing else but the word "faithful". I knew my God was faithful, as He's shown many times in my life. I have been everything but faithful, although I desired to be close to His Heart. So I leaned in and went towards what I desired for my life to be: faithfully following the Lord of my life. Shortly after, Faithful and Freckled was born. This chapter of my life is probably going to be the most raw, God honoring story I have written yet.

When I did my Marian Consecration this past summer, the day I went to do my Consecration in the Eucharistic Chapel at St. Gertrude, I heard the words, "Nothing will ever be the same." Honestly, nothing has been. It's been good, with some struggle, but I've seen changes in my life and some things that I have prayed for come to pass. I know that God has a great plan for my life and I have been fairly content to just let it happen. Lately though, I have just wanted to run to Him and let Him hold me. He knows me and I'm happy to say I know Him.

Sacred Heart of Jesus, pray for us!